College checklists are good preparation tools. They help you remember to bring things like hangers. They are the buffers between you and your mother on trips to Bed, Bath & Beyond; when coffee maker is on the checklist, she has to buy you one right!?
What these checklists don’t account for are the personal tasks you have to take care of before leaving for school. Like breaking up.
The break up conversation is not ever an easy one to have. It gets even harder when you’re only contemplating breaking up because you’re going away to school. But when you are both headed in new directions, parting ways is a smart choice. Believe me, I’ve been there. I struggled with the pros and cons of what maintaining a long-distance relationship would entail. I considered making it work, but came to a few key realizations that led to my decision to break up.
It was important to me that I grow and change as a single person, not as one half of a relationship. In my opinion, college is a time when students are allowed to be selfish – they are allowed to indulge curiosities, explore what the world has to offer, and not worry about being tied down by a significant other. Not that having a boyfriend or girlfriend drags you down, but I find it can influence your decisions, and college is a time to find your own voice.
I was honest with myself and knew that if I had a boyfriend at another school, I would think about him too much and find it hard to be in the moment with new friends and activities. I would spend time thinking about what he was doing instead of focusing on my own awesome future. In a word, I would become clingy. I did not want my happiness or activities to be dictated by someone I never saw.
I cannot stress how much better it is to break up before school starts than to wait until you are miles apart. Talking it over in person and giving yourself time to heal will make the entire process easier. It may not seem that way at the time, but you’ll thank yourself later.
In the end, I am so very glad I made this decision. I think anyone who will be a freshman this fall should enter as a single unit – an individual ready to take on new challenges alone.
What do you think? Are you considering breaking up before college? Have you been through a similar situation?
What words of wisdom do you have to offer?
Breaking up can be tough, but planning for your future doesn’t have to be. Cappex has tons of college resources to help students.